Google Maps told me: “Arrive in 15 minutes.”
But what it meant was:
“Prepare for war.”

It sent me through a back alley, across a construction site, and down a road only goats should use.

Then the voice said:

“Slight right.”
I turned.
Dead end.
There was a man staring at me with no eyebrows.

I turned back.

It recalculated:

“Make a U-turn.”
I made a U-turn.
Suddenly I’m in the middle of a wedding.

People are clapping. I drive through slowly like the groom’s awkward cousin.

And have you noticed it gets real smug when you ignore it?

“Continue straight.”
No, I’m turning left.
“Okay
 if that’s what you want…”
It’s like a passive-aggressive ex with GPS.
“Fine. Let’s go the dumb way then.”

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